Y'dig?

Matt before

Matt after

There’s no arguing with facts. Matt, as you can see was completely bald on top, not a hair in sight. Then, having lost his job in Wall Street in the great meltdown of 2009, he, in desperation, turned to his first love. He bought a 1952 Fender Stratocaster at 30th Street Guitars, the greatest guitar shop in town, started playing, and, lo and behold, as you can see,  he’s immediately a new man, long black tresses to adorn his handsome face. Look at his T shirt, not only did he learn to play guitar in three short weeks, but in the same interval he now sports this head of hair to make women swoon and men retch.

Fox News, (Fair and Balanced as they say so impartially of themselves – “Come on,” says Bill O’Reilly, star Fox journalist (if you extend the definition beyond all plausibility), the man widely accepted as a disgrace to the Irish, “Those who are modest usually have lots to be modest about!, says Bill” “How would he know. His ego is higher than the Empire State Building?” I hear you bellowing as you read this. But, as they say, Fair and Balanced. Anyway, before I got so rudely interrupted by myself, I was saying that Fox News, first to be on top of this amazing story, reports that scientists are not quite sure how to replicate this hair growing phenomenon, was it caused by taking up rock ‘n roll guitar, by learning to play in only three weeks? Was it caused by getting fired from Wall Street or. was it something else that we haven’t identified at the moment?

Whatever the cause, there’s no doubting the lines of bald, ex Wall Street traders lining up at 30th street Guitars at 8 am every morning, (opening time 11 am) in the hope of getting one of those T shirts, an electric guitar and that it’s playing in a band that will work the magic for their pates. (The fact that I am selling my 2006 Les Paul Standard on consignment at 30 Street Guitars is totally irrelevant to this story, I insist.)

Oh dear, I’ve just been phoned by honest Sean Hannity, also of Fox News, also not widely regarded in Ireland as the sort of guy you’d like your kid to emulate. He just phoned me to say I got the photos the wrong way around and that Matt, they guy in the photos actually had a full head of hair when he left Wall Street, and lost it all after only three weeks of carousing around low dives, staying up all night, and doing all the unmentionable things that guitar players are alleged to do when not practicing on their instruments.

Back to the news desk. Fair and Balanced. Now, as I was saying about the Swine Flu epidemic…..